Bernice Moore-Valdez
The last three blogs have been a serious look at the power of questions to get better results. In this blog we are working with the flip side—the power of questions to derail and harm.
Questions are powerful: they can open or they can close; they can invite or they can shut down. It is important to recognize 4 types of questions that can shut down the conversation. These destructive questions are known as “false questions,” as they are not actually asking anything but are instead used to express distaste often in the guise of humor.
4 Examples of False Questions, What NOT to Say in Meetings:
- Cheap Shot: Cheap shots are a fun banter for the 2 or 3 people involved. For the rest of the group, it is boring and uninviting. A cheap shot is a cutting comment, like a verbal spitball. “What idiot dreamed this up?” “Is English your second language?”
- Sarcastic Rejoinder: Sarcasm has its place—mostly outside a meeting. “You think anyone cares about this?” or “Who dreamed this up?” are sure ways to shut people down. Maybe a few people will keep talking, but the best ideas are often behind a buttoned lip.
- Disbelief: Just registering a question of disbelief criticizes the person speaking. “Are you kidding?” when obviously someone is NOT kidding is a clear put down. “Did you say what I think you said?” After a couple of these questions, who will be brave enough to bring an important issue forward?
- The Barb: Like the cheap shot, the barb is demeaning. “How many drinks did you have before you designed this?” “Who died and made you boss?” are questions that stop everyone from bringing anything new or innovative forward. Asking: “What were you thinking?” is just plain unproductive.
Though meant as a form of humor these questions actually harm more than uplift. Everyone has different ways to respond to cheap shots, sarcasm, disbelief, and barbs. If a shy or sensitive person is the brunt of these kinds of questions, they may never express their great ideas or share their thoughts to help solve tough problems, open new markets, or come up with an innovative way of doing things.
For the most part, these things don’t all show up in the same meeting. Destructive or false questions are posed every now and then. When they are present, false questions distort the quality of the conversation, preventing the team or group from thinking well together. False questions shut down divergent thinking, preventing creativity and innovation from emerging. The only good response to a false question is to say, “Ouch!”
Please don’t take my word for it. Just pay attention. What happens when people are using cheap shots and barbs, disbelief and sarcasm?
