4 Things NOT to Say in a Meeting: False Questions & their Consequences

Part 4 of 5 on the Power of Asking Questions

Bernice Moore-Valdez

The last three blogs have been a serious look at the power of questions to get better results. In this blog we are working with the flip side—the power of questions to derail and harm.

Questions are powerful: they can open or they can close; they can invite or they can shut down. It is important to recognize 4 types of questions that can shut down the conversation. These destructive questions are known as “false questions,” as they are not actually asking anything but are instead used to express distaste often in the guise of humor.

4 Examples of False Questions, What NOT to Say in Meetings:

• Cheap Shot: Cheap shots are a fun banter for the 2 or 3 people involved. For the rest of the group, it is boring and uninviting. A cheap shot is a cutting comment, like a verbal spitball. “What idiot dreamed this up?” “Is English your second language?”

• Sarcastic Rejoinder: Sarcasm has its place—mostly outside a meeting. “You think anyone cares about this?” or “Who dreamed this up?” are sure ways to shut people down. Maybe a few people will keep talking, but the best ideas are often behind a buttoned lip.

• Disbelief: Just registering a question of disbelief criticizes the person speaking. “Are you kidding?” when obviously someone is NOT kidding is a clear put down. “Did you say what I think you said?” After a couple of these questions, who will be brave enough to bring an important issue forward?

• The Barb: Like the cheap shot, the barb is demeaning. “How many drinks did you have before you designed this?” “Who died and made you boss?” are questions that stop everyone from bringing anything new or innovative forward. Asking: “What were you thinking?” is just plain unproductive.

Though meant as a form of humor these questions actually harm more than uplift. Everyone has different ways to respond to cheap shots, sarcasm, disbelief, and barbs. If a shy or sensitive person is the brunt of these kinds of questions, they may never express their great ideas or share their thoughts to help solve tough problems, open new markets, or come up with an innovative way of doing things.

For the most part, these things don’t all show up in the same meeting. Destructive or false questions are posed every now and then. When they are present, false questions distort the quality of the conversation, preventing the team or group from thinking well together. False questions shut down divergent thinking, preventing creativity and innovation from emerging. The only good response to a false question is to say, “Ouch!”

Please don’t take my word for it. Just pay attention. What happens when people are using cheap shots and barbs, disbelief and sarcasm?

Inviting Other Opinions & Supporting the Team through Two Types of Questions

Part 3 of 5 on the Power of Asking Questions

Bernice Moore-Valdez

Our last blog looked at clarifying questions and questions that seek information. This time we’re looking at 2 additional kinds of questions:

• Questions that invite other perspectives
• Questions that enable collective learning and understanding

Questions that Invite Other Perspectives

Why?
Questions that invite different perspectives help us understand complexity. Questions that invite other perspectives are extremely valuable in helping groups make good decisions, understand complex issues, and create collaborative action. When we invite other people to give their ideas, we are able to see more of any complex system or issue. Our own perspective is limited, and we need to broaden our view to get a sense of what is really going on.

Examples.
We can invite other perspectives to enhance our thinking. Here are some ideas:

• What are your thoughts?
• What have I missed?
• How else can we do this?
• Who sees this differently? How do you see it?

How?
Reach out to others with an invitation for them to share their perspective. Martha has an opinion about how things need to be done. She says, “We have to include our assumptions in our budgets. If we don’t we won’t be able to align them. How do you see it, Bill?”

Bill is invited into the conversation to think through how to include assumptions in the budgeting process. Everyone in the room listens and participates in the conversation. People collaboratively align their actions in a meaningful budgeting process.

Questions that Enable Collective Learning and Understanding

Why?
Understanding things better leads to better decision making. The idea is to look at things together. Questions that seek to enhance collective learning help us engage collectively so that there is meaning among us. And, because we understand things better, we make better decisions and act more effectively.

Examples.
Helping a group learn together with good questions is the apex of inquiry. It helps to be in a conversation that has a level of openness and trust. Here are some possible questions:

• What have we decided in this meeting?
  
• What have we learned here?
  
• What is most important for us to remember about what we talked about today?
• What do we understand differently after our conversation?
• How will we hold ourselves accountable for the agreements we have made here today?
• What was different about today’s meeting? What worked for us? What didn’t work so well?

How?
Listen to what people say in response to a good question. Inviting other perspectives is not a hollow exercise; when we listen to peoples views with a willingness to be influenced, we see a bigger picture and broader horizon.

Welcome Dissent. If someone disagrees with you, say, “That’s a different perspective,” and ask, “Can you tell me more about what you are thinking?”

Making a Valuable Contribution to Meetings by Asking Good Questions

Part 2 of 5 on the Power of Asking Questions

Bernice Moore-Valdez

Asking questions is an important way to contribute to a meeting. Most people know how to give their point of view without hesitation. It is more difficult to ask good questions. When we do, it enhances teamwork, group understanding, and positive action. To insert a good question, listen carefully to the conversation. Track what is missing or needed as people talk, and add your question in the flow of the conversation.

Here are some overall guidelines for questions:
Make questions open-ended, so the question can’t be answered “yes,” “no,” or “maybe.” A good question requires a thoughtful response, at a minimum a sentence.
Listen to the answer: inside and out. What was said and what did it mean? What was our reaction? Listen with a willingness to be influenced.
Respond. Engage in the conversation.
Ask another question and engage the group in an inquiry that leads to greater understanding

There are several kinds of questions:
Questions that seek information
Questions that clarify
Questions that invite other opinions and points of view
Questions that support collective understanding

Not all questions are useful. Sometimes, questions are phrased in a way to advocate a point of view and not necessarily to invite a response. I like to call these “false questions”, and will talk more about them in the fifth blog of this series. The focus of this particular blog will be on questions that seek information and to clarify.

Here are a couple of examples of questions that seek information. Guess which ones are the open-ended questions:

a. What do we need to do to complete the project on time and under budget?
b. What can get in the way of our completing the project on time?
c. Do we need to complete the project by the 15th of this month?
d. What tasks or deliverables have we overlooked in our project plan?

Pretty simple, isn’t it? Question c just clarifies the date—it’s answered with a yes or no, do we have to complete it by the 15th or not?

Questions a, b, and d are open-ended questions that seek information to help the entire group. The conversation the follows will lead to answers that will help the whole group understand the task at hand and how to avoid potential obstacles. Once you get the hang of it, open-ended questions become second nature and will play a valuable role toward giving your team needed traction.

Now that you’re seeing how important questions really are, how would you respond to the following statement:
A frustrated project manager throws down her pen: “This project is going off track in a hurry.”

The easy way out would be to just button your lip and let someone else take the heat, but that won’t solve anyone’s problems. This would be a perfect opportunity to ask a clarifying question, which helps to gain perspective from another. Again, good questions asked in an open-ended manner will help provide more information and determine what is truly needed. You might ask one or more of these clarifying questions:

What is going on?
What is making you so concerned?
What can we do to get it back on track?
What are the consequences of the project being off track?

The 4 examples are all open-ended, and the project manager can express why she is frustrated. These questions help the project leader and everyone present understand what has happened. Then with additional open-ended questions and ideas about possible actions, people know what to do to get the project back on track or how to mitigate the damage.

Clarifying questions help flesh out the information so that unanswered questions and concerns can be addressed. Clarifying questions are not only used when things are going wrong; they can also help clarify a new idea or potential solution.

Here’s another application of a clarifying questions. George presents a new idea for a process improvement at a group meeting. The following questions will help clarify the nuance of this proposed improvement:

How will your idea impact our bottom line?
What do we need to do to implement this idea?
How would we test this to make sure there are no unintended consequences?
What are the benefits and risks of implementing this?

Clarifying questions are a useful tool to ensure that their are no uncertainties or missing information that leave people guessing about what to do next.

In conclusion, when we ask good questions, we contribute to a group process that spurs conversation and helps us find collective answers. The best approach is to experiment. Try out open-ended questions and see what happens. If you have examples of how you’ve used open-ended questions to seeking information or to clarify, then please feel free to share them as a comment. Your participation in this blog is more than welcome and will enrich our collective engagement.

Please join us for our next blog as we explore questions that invite other perspectives and questions that support group understanding.